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20th of May

Do You Have A Secret Like Me?

I have a secret, what about you?  Have you ever been in a dark closet with no way out.
Someone locked the door, one day when then I heard a voice say. It’s a secret little girl. I began to cry, and bang on the door for him to let me out. Please, let me out. Please, I will be good again. This time being locked in the closet was different, then before. My heart beat was so fast that I could hear it. My body was shaken with fear. Due to the abuser of a stranger that knew my friends. Later, I calmed down for a little while when I heard footsteps leave the room. I could feel cool air blowing on my half naked body. It was coming through a crack in the corner of the closet.
I never really grew up inside, like a normal little girl. Because of the abuse that began at the age of five. Later to endure rapes, and beatings. I was confused about what a relationship should be between a man and a woman. I could not define love or feel passion from a man. Depression began to develop inside my soul. Leaving roots of bitterness and hate. The secrets, the awful secrets, disgusting secrets that dissolved my being slowly.
I blew up like a flaming hot volcano and one day I told my another woman with a secret like me. I trusted her to help me release my secrets and let them go. Later to find out after her death. The lovely lady died with her secrets and a beautiful smile. I can smile again today because, I later found the keys to unlock all my horrible secrets that held me hostage in my soul.
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Categories:  Journal
20th of May

The Night My Soul Died

Shut the door man, and lock it. This one is mine how much you want. I got this man, shut the hell up b…. before I knock you in the head again. I said, man shut the door, I got this. The chill in a cold and dark room began to make me ill. I couldn’t help but get sick. That made him so mad he slap me and threw a towel over it. Then, I was dragged to another room that I could not see. I gave up screaming, but the tears began to flow like a river down my face.

Running naked down the street in total blindness.  Due to the beatings my eyes were shut tight. I could hear people talking, but no one helped me. My feet hurt from the rocks. A lady call me, honey but I didn’t know where she was.

I heard the fire trucks coming closer to my destination. One man said to another, get a few blankets to cover her up. At this point my body was limp from exhaustion and abuse. I recalled, someone picked me up and put my busied body on a bed. Why, were they whispering over me? Someone, said get the rape kit.


To be continued…

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Categories:  Journal
Stages of Healing from Childhood Sexual Abuse
19th of May

Is Happiness Possible After Child Molestation

Is Happiness Possible After Child Molestation   Cached Can you have a normal happy life after incest or childhood sexual abuse? Many have achieved this and so can you, but how…

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Categories:  Journal
17th of May


“Flashbacks” Occur in our lives from something that reminds us of a timeline in our lives. This can be expressed in  emotions of a, smile, crying, hatred and many other malice’s that some may be filed in a dark space in our hearts. I could go on and on. This lady has so many secrets, that all cannot be counted at this time. The TV show Scandal, was on last Thursday night.  The president’s wife was being rape by her father in law. Quiet as it kept, I believe the baby that belong to the president and his wife, is fathered by the president’s father.
However; the lady told me. That scene triggered her emotions, when she was raped and beaten almost to death. She began to cry just telling the procedure of the rape kit being administered. The clear baggies, the nurse used for removing hair from parts of her body, cleaning her nails with Q-tips. The rape was so dramatic that her vision was lost for a week and a half, due to her eyes being close shut from the beating in her face and head. I understood her to add that she could not comb her hair for a year.
While being processed, voices were heard out in the hallway of the hospital. Later, she heard someone call her name, and then her name was called again and again. This was her family; entering the room. That she could not see. Her mom hugs her with ease, not to hurt her badly beaten body. There was her aunt, a sister, and a cousin. I know I sense weeping and moaning. So, I asked why? They said, they were happy to see me. “Happy to see me” my ass.” I was thinking.  Secrets can shift when one is telling it. There is a change in the lady that is telling this story. I/She/You remembered the rape. Her hospital stay was three weeks, with no mirror and selected visitors the secret was known to many and they were informed, not to tell.
The secret is death to the soul when hiding it, do to erroneous advice from others. While the body functions like a robot with no feelings. Please, my dear “Sue’s” tell the secret and be free.
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Categories:  Journal

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